i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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