i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i already hear my dad disowning me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
