So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All the doctor said was why
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
