At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
