When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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