She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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