I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
