We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
