I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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