my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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