Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
