i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I currently don't understand fingers.
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