my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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