I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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