look no pants
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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