Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had to cum in my sink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
