I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
