You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This house was built for laser tag.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
