grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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