It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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