DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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