Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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