Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
