I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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