In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
