drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
