I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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