so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
