Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
how drunk are you?
Several
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
