Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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