They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
