Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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