Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
