I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
