Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
