The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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