she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
