i permit you to call me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
