WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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