i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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