he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
