I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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