I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
