What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I pour the whiskey from now on
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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