he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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