I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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