Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
