i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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