Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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