Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
