i would punch a child for taco bell
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
