I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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