im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
