Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
