do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
