Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Randomize
