My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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