I want you more than these girls want KFC
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
