you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
