Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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