Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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