Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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