porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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