I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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