the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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