she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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