I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
