you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
